Having a woman fall in love with you is one of the few things you’ll be really proud of. Love is one of those universal entities where lack of consensus on a general definition has persisted for generations. Personally am well conversant with two kinds of love.
The love you can have for people generally i.e. your family members, friends and acquaintances. And then there is this overwhelming version. Where you love someone, mostly of the opposite sex (or not) so intimately.
The kind that this one human being occupies your mind like she owned it. I think that kind is what mostly is referred to as “Being in love”
Why it sucks to have it the other way
- Loving someone who doesn’t feel the same sucks
If you’ve ever loved someone who didn’t feel the same way, you know what am talking about. You miss them so much. But they don’t miss you. You do almost all they want, only to discover that they didn’t give a damn to begin with. And on and on. Deep down you sense they don’t feel the same way but you probably don’t want to acknowledge it. Wouldn’t it feel better if she loved you too?
- Mediocre sex
Someone who doesn’t love you won’t be concerned so much whether you love the sex or not. Because chances are if she’s still with you without loving you, you give her good sex. But whether you feel the same way is debatable. If you love someone, giving them pleasure will be your priority during sex. Unfortunately it’s the opposite if you don’t. There a few times though when the love isn’t there but the sex is good for both parties. If it’s your case, kudos bro.
- Easily cheat
When a woman doesn’t love you, she’s more susceptible to cheat on you. The question is often not about if she can do it. But when she will do it. She will often crave that feeling of being in love that she notices about her fellow women. And the moment she meets a guy who can make her feel these things, the game is over my friend.
- Not really taking care of you
C’mon we all need to be cared for. We need to be cherished. That boy in us who always needed mummy’s love never really grows old. He’s always there. This becomes even an extreme case when the person we need all this from doesn’t care. She doesn’t care because she doesn’t love you. The good news is we can rectify that.
Why it makes sense
Mainly because it’s a win-win situation. You have a person who actually gives a damn about you. Who will be genuinely interested in what happens in your life. You can’t beat that.
The sex is better. The more a woman loves, the more physically comfortable she will be with you. That always translates into better sex. The moment she fully trusts her body with you, good things start happening. And cheating definitely becomes very hard.
Unlike us, when a woman’s mind is onto someone it becomes really hard to stray. If you’re like me, you need to have a loyal girl.
Misconceptions about love
Anything that makes people overly irrational is bound to stir up many mythologies and superstitions. As long as we’re still human beings. The problem with all that is they negatively influence your decision-making as they’re not in sync with reality. And when your decision-making is terrible, your love life too will be very close to terrible.
Avoiding the 3 myths below will ensure you steer away from “terrible” as much as possible:
- Two soul mates meeting
There’s no soul mates.
But you can move close to being soul mates with someone. Only if you put in the work required.
True “soul mate ship” requires hard work by both parties. If soul mates exist, they’re outliers. Most people who project the “we’re soul mates” kind of vibe are normally putting up a smoke screen. Get close to their relationship and you’ll smell a lot of pseudo love in the air.
Real love requires hard work. The kind you’re doing now – accumulating knowledge. Real soul mates struggle hard. It involves accepting someone with no attempt to change who they are. It entails knowing and preparing for the fact that the process won’t be smooth. But it will be necessary. And so much more.
I will write an article in future about the kind of hard work involved, step by step.
- It has to involve drama
Not it doesn’t. The drama you’re so much accustomed to exist mostly because of miscommunication between people. The moment you know how to communicate (it requires hard work though), there won’t be so much drama. Except in situations where you want it – maybe to change things a bit.
- It makes you happy.
Being in love with someone doesn’t necessarily lead to your happiness. In most cases you do a lot of irrational decisions that feel better in the short-term but harmful in the long run. This is even worse if the person you love doesn’t feel the same way. So. If you really want her to be in love with you, at least note that her life might not necessarily become better. Especially if you don’t feel the same way.
The science of falling in love and how to use it to your advantage
The 20th century provided humanity with a lot of knowledge on how our brains and bodies work. This led to different sciences being invented left, right and center. The science of selling. The science of Advertising. The science of sports excellence. Anything that required having an edge wasn’t spared by science. That said, it would be unfair if we neglected the science of love.
Let’s first see some of the hormones that get the ball rolling. Trust me. Knowing the underpinnings of most things improves on the quality of your decisions. And also the edge. You get an edge over your competitors. Why? Because most people rarely give time to things they don’t physically interact with. With only one exception – God.
- Psychology of the mind
The human mind is aided by the most complex creation in the known universe – The human brain. Its complexity means most of the stuff it is involved in are going to be complex. And love makes the cut.
This means you need to recognize that it won’t be a walk in the park to begin with. But that’s okay. In the long run it will be worth it. The beauty of love is that it’s irrational. No body sits down and decide to fall in love. It just happens. We only recognize it when it happens.
Our only control is providing or denying the perfect environment for it to blossom. Even if the ability to do that depends on what stage it is.
In the mind, love is mostly created by thinking about the person. The mind interprets or deludes itself that the person its thinking about is worthy. Even if he/she is not. Meaning to trigger love, you need to trigger thinking. And the best way to trigger thinking is by being different from the norm. Anything you don’t see every day is going to take up some of your thinking space. Continue reading to find out some of these ways.
But applying them will need understanding a couple of personalities of women.
- Unique personalities.
You have the secure types. These just won’t accept their happiness to depend on anyone. She falls in love, she will make the most out of it. She gets dumped, life moves on. If you need someone to make you better as a human being, this is it. But if you need to feel as a man – all powerful and dependable. Look somewhere else
The suspicious ones. These had harsh childhoods. Maybe she was raped. Or she saw her father do all sorts of terrible stuff to her mother. She is always suspicious of anyone. You do good things for her, she’s suspicious. You do bad things, you’re booted. But if you can genuinely infiltrate her suspicious nature, you own her for good.
Mummy’s girl. She follows a man who solves her problem. And she expects nothing less from any man. She was raised by parents who gave her everything. And being in a society with women that expects men to provide for them didn’t help much. No matter what you do for her, the moment you stop, lightning strikes. Better wait for her into her late 20s or early 30s if you need to settle with her.
To know what to do with a woman, when to do it and how to do it. You need to understand which personality you up against. The nuances of your actions should be highly based on which kind of woman you’re dealing with.
- It’s all about the emotions.
We interpret the world most through our emotions. Whether people are trustworthy. Deciding what to eat. What to put on. And the good news for you is that a lot of this happens under the radar. This means you can influence the emotions no matter what someone wants rationally. Ever had of “Dah, you’re not my type.” Worry no more.
Yeah. We all have them. And no matter how much you know about them. They still exist. Though being mindful of their existence helps a lot. Biases happen as a result of our brains trying to short-circuit most of the decision-making because they have to be energy-efficient. A lot of biases have names but am not a fun of names. Better to get meanings out of stuff. Some biases you might use.
First impressions. This one is huge. It’s freaking hard to avoid. As I said though, try being mindful. Though you don’t want this girl you like so much to be mindful. It is so hard for the human brain to change its first impressions.
No matter the evidence provided. The way to maximize this is to always nail your first impressions. Impress them good. A lot of work is done right there.
Information bias. Basically with this, we make decisions based on the information we already have. No matter how negligible or wrong it is. Women naturally drift towards guys who are desired by other girls.
So if at any time you happen to hang out with your cute friend and they get to know about her, don’t explain so much. You want the information bias to work for you. Chances are high she will see you as desirable no matter what happens in future. Except in a few cases.
Confirmation bias. A friend of mine once received a message from the girlfriend implicating him of probably sleeping with someone else. But my friend didn’t have to worry because confirmation bias was on his side.
See, she was accusing him but deep down she didn’t want any of it to be true. Which means she was susceptible of buying any story he brought up that said otherwise.
Needs based on age and social pressure.
A young college girl might still be more open to having fun. No strings attached kind of thing. But not a 32-year-old single working woman. “Time is not on her side” as they normally say. (Which I don’t agree with actually). Younger women have less social pressure than older women. But then that also depends. For example a woman of 32 might badly want to settle down. But that might not be the case with the same woman of 45 years.
The reason you might want to seriously consider this concerns what we’ve already discussed. How much is someone thinking about you? Do the math.
How to go about it.
- First love you
I don’t believe am actually saying this. But heck, let me say it. Please love yourself. Loving yourself gives others freedom to love you. A person who loves himself is magnetic in a way. Don’t always be blaming yourself. Be kind to yourself. You may have imperfections but who doesn’t? Go ahead – enjoy your imperfections. And celebrate your perfections. Love your damn self. Nobody will be able to do it as well as you.
- Then love women
I love women. Every new day it’s like am seeing them for the first time in my life. Even the famed scientist Stephen Hawking said women are the most mysterious beings in the known universe. There is so much to enjoy about them. So much to admire and learn. The effect they have on men is astounding. I freaking love them. Love them too. Find a way if you don’t have it already.
For more science about love, go here
Onto the magical stuff.
- The magic of differing actions and words
I once dated an incredible girl at the university. During all our encounters, she rarely said a word that indicated to me that she liked me. But I knew she liked me. How? Her actions. When I asked to see her, she complied. When she met me you could see she felt good seeing me. Every time we hang out you could see her having a good time. But her words never indicated to me in any way that she felt anything.
On the contrary if I bought only what she said, we wouldn’t have gone that far. She always IMPLIED there was no future for both of us. But her actions said the opposite. Needless to say, I thought about her all the time. Then I missed her. Then I fell in love with her. Your words imply one thing, your actions imply another thing. Or vice versa. It always works.
You don’t want to take someone on a date a night before her nerve wrecking presentation to her boss at work. You don’t want to tell someone how you feel about her after she just told you about her treacherous ex-boyfriend.
You can’t have sex with someone who is obviously worried about her sick mother. And the list goes on infinitum. Timing is everything. It’s the difference between “This guy is amazing” and “He doesn’t get it.”
The incredible Robert Greene once said that the key to seduction is surprise. She expects you to pick her up for your date. You send her a special hire. She expects you to call at night, you call in the morning. She expects you to be a down to earth fellow, you imply otherwise. She thinks you two are hitting it off, you imply otherwise.
By the way, Implying is magical. Imply. Imply. Imply. You want her making all the conclusions on her own.
- Her and only her in a twisted way.
Remember differing words and actions. Your actions tell her you want her yet your words say otherwise. By deeply scrutinizing your actions, she will know you want her alone. But she will have no way of confirming that since you said otherwise. Her subconscious knows you’re the real deal. But her conscious is not sure about that. She will fall in love with you.
- Reward and punishment
Yeah I know. You thought this is for young kids. But it’s not. All of us are more like 4 year olds in most cases. When she impresses you, reward her. Otherwise, punish her. I don’t mean spanking. Let’s say you prepare a date and she flakes. C’mon show her that flaking isn’t your cup of tea. She comes over to your place and cleans your dirty house, find a way of rewarding her for that.
Those things add up to love. Trust me.
- Little things and minute details
This separates you from the other guys.
People are naturally so enclosed in their own worlds. To find someone who genuinely listens to you. Someone who remembers what you like and hate. And goes ahead to put that into consideration when making decisions that affect you both.
Such people are a rare commodity. They are exotic. And trust me, women fall in love with the “exotic”
- Mind-blowing sex.
Sex is how those girls really bond with you. Give her an amazing orgasm and she’s yours forever (or at least until you want). People are always having sex. But mind-blowing sex is rare. Master the art of good sex and you will be worth millions of dollars in the feminine world. Such men are valuable.
I will cover more about good sex in later articles. In the meantime, this will help.
There you have it. What has worked for you in the past?