Let me get this one out-of-the-way. Approaching sexy women is damn hard. Especially when you don’t know what to do and when to do what. And even when you get the necessary knowledge, you’ll still need some patience before things starting clicking.
If I was to list the women I’ve missed out on I would need a good number of pages. Trust me this is or has been hard for a good number of us at some point in our lives. But it doesn’t need to be.
In my experience this is what stopped me and many guys I know from making that all important step in the dating world – approaching a sexy woman:
This is a beast. A mega tone Godzilla. Like everything in life, failure drains your energy. Your willpower. It beats the hell out of your confidence.
Yet in the world of women, confidence is more like food. You might survive a few encounters without it but eventually you’ll need it. The way to turn lemon into lemonade of this is simple.
Try to learn from every failure. See what you can improve the next time you meet someone you like. Treat failures like experiments because in reality that is what they are.
She probably has a boyfriend.
This is your mind’s way of safe guarding you. “Seriously look how hot she is, she probably has a boyfriend by now.”
This is just a justification for what your subconscious already knows. You’re scared. And it’s okay to be scared.
We’re talking of fellow human beings with nice tits, bulging bums and angelic faces. I have been there. I know.
Going after someone’s girlfriend might be a little… But I bet you don’t care about the guy for God’s sake. See. It’s only a justification. Think about it this way. Maybe she works a lot and doesn’t get so much time to go out and meet men.
And trust me, this is more of the case than you can imagine. Or she’s probably not relationship type and could be willing to have fun. But you can’t know without asking. You have to ask
She’s out of my league
This would be true if she was an alien or something. She’s only a human being trying to do her part in this complex thing called life. Nature wired her to be attracted to fellow human beings. And not necessarily to those in her “league”.
Classes, leagues, hierarchies and the sort are all human constructs. You focus on them while DNA laughs.
She’s probably tired of guys hitting on her.
Now this might be true. Especially if she is really sexy. But you won’t know if you don’t talk to her. And you won’t talk to her if you don’t approach her. Actually that many guys hit on her works to your advantage.
If you’re authentic – that is – don’t pretend to like things you don’t because of her. If you’re honest with what you want from her. You’re differentiating yourself from many guys who do the opposite.
The best way to overcome this problem though is by being unique with your approach. Keep reading, you’ll find out how.
Why it’s actually cool
Feels great and builds confidence.
Trust me, after you’ve approached a woman who makes your heart beat faster, you’re going to feel better about yourself. Even if things don’t go your way.
There is this feeling of “I can do anything I want” that comes with making bold moves. And this applies to all aspects of life. Think about it, this confidence might come in handy when dealing with other aspects of your life-like making money.
She wants to have fun too.
Their lives are as lonely as yours. All of us are trying to have fun and be happy in our lives.
And she wants the same thing. And because of that, try having fun while approaching her. Try novel moves without so much expectations.
You might lighten up her day and yours too. Besides getting her contacts of course.
How to do it right.
The trick is being always set. Even if you’re not trying to talk to anyone this week, try getting your mental and physical states up to speed. This is what you might look into:
Your looks matter.
Well – looking good has never been our strongest suit as men.
But it is for the women. She might not want you to look like Brad Pitt but she needs you to look good. Spend some time on your fashion.
Find clothes that fit. Do some grooming. By the way this helps you feel better about yourself too. That’s how you manipulate the idea of being confident. The guys at esquire said it best.
What’s your skill level when it comes to women?
The less experienced you are, the less advisable it is to try to take on riskier approaches; the odds are against you and you can end up making yourself seem creepy when you don’t intend to.
It drains your energy. You don’t want that.
Try assessing your skill level and use that to approach women who don’t scare the shit out of you. With more experience you’ll expand your nest. Approach it this way.
Approach someone interested.
If you’ve not been very successful with women recently, it’s always going to be hard for you to approach new women.
Trust me, people can blab all they want about confidence but past failure is a deadly confidence killer. And it’s okay not to be confident.
Everyone has doubts, at least once in a while in their lives. But still just because you don’t have confidence doesn’t mean you can’t approach girls. That’s why it’s very vital that you approach girls who already want to be approached.
The only time you should do otherwise is if you really, really don’t care what happens. If your expectations are in check, go for it. But there’s so much to do in life.
So many incredible women to meet. It only makes sense to find someone who wants the same thing as you do.
How to know if she’s interested.
–Through eye contact.
Gazing at someone is quite powerful. Try to keep up eye contact for as long as it doesn’t start getting creepy. If you manage getting attention, smile at her and see if she smiles back. The game is on – go get your girl.
Imagine you’re at a friend’s birthday party. And you spot this girl. She’s alone. All she’s doing is staring at her phone. Looks bored. She stares at guy groups every once in a while. What comes to your mind? And what do you do next?
Making the move
Don’t think too much, just go.
Create any kind of rule. Let’s say a 4 second rule. Where you approach someone within 4 seconds of meeting them. Any rule. As long as it works for you. And be yourself. Don’t ask for permission. You can apologize later if it’s necessary.
Avoid being branded as a friend. The cause of this in most cases will be you being overly nice and apologetic. Women are wired by nature to gravitate towards friendly people.
So, from the word go your intentions should be directed towards what you want from her. And I guess you’re not looking for another friend. What you want can be sex, company or anything.
What to say to her.
I know pick-up lines are very popular. Anything that tries to simplify life is bound to be popular.
The problem with pick-up lines is that they prevent you from being yourself. Which should be your top priority.
Then what works? Simple. Try molding your approach based on her situation. If she’s in a supermarket shopping, an opener based on a few products in front of her would work great. “Is it true that this cologne causes skin cancer?” would be good if she was trying to buy a few colognes.
If you happen to be in a taxi; “Hey, have you been in this taxi before?” Her: “No, why?” You: “Well – as if I saw this driver before on the news, about some mass shooting?” Her: “Really, what happened? Are we safe?” You get the picture.
In my experience asking questions that are relevant to her situation always works.
To amplify it a notch, make the question a little scary. Cancer, Anger, mass shootings. Scary stuff. Now you have her attention.
And then pivot away from them as soon as the conversation starts flowing.
Your goal is to get her info, that’s it.
Don’t over talk, especially if it’s the first time you two are getting to know each other. At this stage, all her feminine filtering mechanism is fully alert.
It operates more like the way our brains work when we’re watching news, waiting for the slightest bit of negativity. And our neurons fire incessantly.
She’s looking for one single reason why she doesn’t have to date you. That’s how nature works. Try to get her contacts as fast as you can.
The only exception is if you’re in a place where you’re going to be seeing each other for some time. A conference, a seminar, workplace. You get the picture. David DeAngelo says it best at Ask men
You’re not her aunt Martha, she doesn’t know you.
The greatest mistake you should avoid (it’s okay if you mess up occasionally.) is assuming you’re going to finish up everything right there and then.
You’re only getting to know her for God’s sake, don’t ask for marriage.
Okay maybe that is extreme, but don’t bring up going on a date, neither should you ask whether she has a boyfriend.
And on a serious note, don’t let her boss you around like she’s the next Katy Perry. You too are just getting to know her. She’s not sure whether you’re a new ISIS recruit but you also don’t know whether she’s a sociopath.
This can be an email address, a phone number or maybe an address of where she lives in extreme cases where she doesn’t have the other two.
Let’s first prepare for a worst case scenario. In about 50-75% of the cases you’ll be successful especially if you only approached women who want to be approached.
But there will always be cases where she won’t cave. And in most cases the reasons won’t be about you. The world is a complex place. People are complex. Expecting otherwise is insanity.
Getting her contacts
This is how the pros do it. Never ever ask for her contact directly.
“Do you mind giving me your phone number?” Such phrases are a no-go. Again. Never ask for permission. “You seem like a fun a girl, put your phone number over here, maybe we shall link up sometime.” While handing her your phone.
“Maybe we shall link up sometime” indicates to her that it’s not a guarantee. Trust me, uncertainty leads to thinking.
Thinking messes up the mind especially if things are uncertain. This is how you want the mind of this “lucky” girl to roll. Good things are bound to happen.
“I’ve got a boyfriend.”
“I feel you, I hate taking coffee in the evenings.”
“Actually, I thought we were talking about things that give us a hard time…”
This is persistence.
Just because this sexy cutie has put up some resistance doesn’t mean you hand in the towel there and then.
Overcome the hurdles. Sidestep them. Just don’t fold and give in just yet. She doesn’t know you. That’s what she’s supposed to do.
If you come out on top, you’ll be officially put in 10% group of men. The 90% just give up and go home. Not a good group to be in.
Accepting rejection with coolness
As I said, you win some, you lose some. No offense. It happens to everyone. The trick is in winning a few, not winning all. This applies to most endeavors in life.
Approaching a sexy woman is not different. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness, your game and whatever. In most cases this is to do with her. Maybe she’s in love with an amazing man (no pun intended), or she’s stressed. Or she just found out her 4 years boyfriend cheated on her.
See, it has nothing to do with you.
keep practicing. No explanation
Learning from someone who is good at approaching women.
Trying to learn from someone who has walked the walk has always been considered wisdom by all generations throughout human history.
It might be your father, your cousin or Uncle Bob. For the most part though it will be a friend or a friend to a friend. Because chances are you’ll live in the same environment with this guy.
If it’s your friend, the better. But if he’s just a mutual friend, then do some leg work to see to it that you meet him, probably become close even if you never make it to friends
Don’t ask them for advice though. In most cases all they know is whatever there doing works.
If you ask them why there so good they might come up with tactic this, tactic that but it will mostly be bullshit.
Then how do I replicate their success Nic?
Simple. Watch what they do. Hung out with them now and then. It’s okay to ask them questions once in a while but I can assure you by watching, your subconscious will begin picking up cues on what makes them tick. And trust your subconscious. It knows so much about what you need.
Like anything in life worth pursuing, expect hurdles and frustrations. It happens to everyone. But following everything in this article will ensure you succeed in the long run. To recap, this is what you need to know and DO.
- Approaching incredible women feels great and builds confidence. It will be an amazing experience no matter what happens.
- Women want to have fun too. Make approaching them as fun as possible. Succeeding is inevitable.
- Before approaching someone, try to look good and also try not to eat what you can’t chew. But with time you’ll be able to chew a lot.
- Approach someone who is interested. Know this by observing eye contact and body language.
- Try analyzing her situation to formulate your opening line. Your main aim should be to get her contact information, nothing more. You’ll plan the date next time you talk to her.
- Don’t just give in simply because she’s being stubborn. Persist. And if she is not actually interested, let it go. There’s so much fish in the sea.
- Practice. Practice.
- If you can, try to learn from a friend who’s good with women. We’re visual beings. What you see sticks to the brain.
So, what do you think? Let me know how you approach women in the comments section.