During high school – like most adolescents (or let’s say most men) – my favorite topic with my buddies was always ‘girls’. If there was a hot newcomer at school, you’d be rest assured we knew everything about her. Together with my two best-friends, Alex and John, we knew which girl was an easy prey and who was as hard as getting into Harvard. We debated all the necessary characteristics of a great girlfriend. From beauty – to the intelligence – to the sexy body. We scrutinized it all. But now that I’ve thought about it, we never at once debated the qualities of a good boyfriend. We never tried seeing things from the feminine point of view. And I think if we had, our encounters with girls would have been far better than they were.
Make no mistake. This bias isn’t suffered by only high school kids. It happens to adults too. A LOT. It seems obvious in hindsight but I guess everything is obvious in hindsight.
The advantages of seeing the world from the other person’s point of view can’t be stated enough times. It makes your seduction easier. The person finds you more fun, more understanding and with a more “he’s my type” kind of vibe.
That being said, what are the qualities of a great boyfriend? How in the world will you try to incorporate these qualities into your arsenal of tools? What will make you so different from other possible boyfriends?
Compassionate and Empathetic.
To be an amazing boyfriend, you need to have the ability to understand your partner’s feelings and state. You need to understand her suffering and have the wish to relieve it.
Take time to get out of your own world into hers. Learn about the things she takes dear. Immerse yourself into the things she worries about. Probe her and the people who have known her for a long time to know more about her childhood. Find out about the whole (almost) of her personal history.
This will give you an eagle eye’s view of the person you consider as your girlfriend. Her sudden bursts of anger won’t seem like a surprise. Her distrust of strangers won’t appear foolish after getting to know about a wicked man who tried forcing himself on her during childhood. You might reach a point when you know her more than she knows herself.
If all of this seems like hard work it’s because it is. These qualities come naturally to a few people. But not so easy for the most of us. It takes hard work to become empathetic and compassionate. It takes a conscious creation of these traits as habits. With time, with persistence, you become empathetic and compassionate with a lot of ease. And in the end it’ll be worth it.
And because few people have these qualities in abundance, you’ll become an oasis in a desert. Your girlfriend will see you as the only human being who truly and genuinely understands what she’s going through. You’ll become a part of her. And she’ll feel lost without you.
Have you ever been in a tight situation and things were not going your way? And you badly wished for inspiration? I have been there too. And there’s nothing as sweet as having a partner who inspires you to do impossible things. A partner who makes you believe that whatever is challenging you can be conquered.
Why not become that partner to your girlfriend? Become her source of inspiration. A wall she leans on in times of doubt and struggle.
People like that are rare. We only read about them in books, find them in places of worship and probably on blogs like this one. But if you can imitate them in real life – your life. Then your girlfriend will thank you for it.
Doesn’t suffocate her freedom
This is not time for being obsessed and possessive. No. A great boyfriend doesn’t do that. He instead does this. He lets people be. Because he loves freedom too. He lets other people have it as much. Because he knows that people will find a way of doing what they want irrespective of the obstacles. He lets them be. He lets them do what they would do anyway no matter the resistance.
And no, they don’t use that freedom to do shitty stuff behind his back. They instead gravitate towards him. Because he lets them be. People will adore him for being the only person on earth who doesn’t suffocate them with his prejudices, limiting beliefs and self-interest.
Be that boyfriend. And you’ll never miss out on great girlfriends – ever.
Amazing at sex
No matter how caring and loving you’re, lacking at sex won’t cut it for you.
Even though less talked about as much as it should in our society. Though we struggle facing our limitations and frustrations at sex as humanity. Sex is a big deal. It’s like that mafia guy who pulls strings in a government behind the scenes. And you never hear anyone talk about him.
If you want to be fully celebrated by your woman, become awesome at sex. If you want your girlfriend to talk to her friends about you, become amazing at sex. It influences a great deal of our relationships even though we pretend otherwise. And this is more so for women who are bullied by the society to be morally upright. They have a lot of sexual tension and frustration beneath the masks of “not interested in sex” they put on.
Overcome her superficial masks and rock her sexual world. And she’ll give you the lease to her feminine kingdom.
Helps her meet her goals.
There is a survey I read about made in the UK that said 60% of all participants said they didn’t think anyone would miss them if they ever left the world. These people believed that all people in their lives don’t really give a damn about them. At all.
And this is really sad. Because if the survey instead focused on “Do you think other people care about your goals and well-being?” I pretty much think over 80% of people would say “No they don’t.” The conclusion in surveys like this is simple; most people are lonely and they struggle to find others who deeply care about them. Some end up getting married or finding a partner thinking this trend will stop, only to be disappointed. Because their new partners were mostly likely in the same position.
So, what does a great boyfriend do? A great boyfriend gets out of his own skin into the world of his girlfriend. He takes time to observe and learn all he can about his partner. He strives to make his loved one’s life simpler, easier and happier. He tries to see things from her point of view since he knows no two people can see things in exactly the same way. A great boyfriend helps his girlfriend meet her goals.
Needless to say such a boyfriend is rare in an individual-centric world like ours. And that makes such a person valuable and priceless to any other fellow human being. Strive to be such a guy and I assure you a lot of good things will come your way.
Desires her like a man dying of lust.
It’s not a secret that there’s something about sexy women that drives men nuts. People say we’re visual beings who relentlessly chase booty and pussy like the world is ending tomorrow. Ask any sexual man and he’ll tell you he desires women like nothing else in the world. It’s a terrifying and exciting world for real.
But what is rarely talked about enough is what happens on the other side. In other words what’s the equivalent of this man-desire-woman on the side of women? What draws them in? What drives them nuts compared to men. The answer is simple – To be desired. It seems obvious but in a world were little research is done on the sexual nature of women, it’s not after all.
Women love to be desired. That’s why never take it personal when your girl is being hit on by another man. It doesn’t mean she’s about to cave. It means it makes her feel alive. And that feeling is incredible if you know what I mean.
Desire your woman like a man dying of lust. She’ll be happy to cure you of that lovely disease.
The truth is, we’re creatures of habit. We gravitate towards the normal, the routine, the tried and tested. And it’s not our fault really. It’s just a survival mechanism. But at the same time, it makes life dull and boring. Routine extinguishes all the fire in one’s life. That’s were unpredictability comes into the picture.
Unpredictability is sexy and attractive. We crave people who are unpredictable and unconventional. These people seem larger than life. They bring fun and adventure into our dull lives. They give us an additional reason to live. We can’t help but want to be by their side now and then.
The good thing is; you can become such a person. You can use the power of unpredictability to your advantage. Become the guy who gives your partner an extra reason to live.
Uses mystery to his advantage.
Mystery is based on the fact that not all information is revealed at once. Not all information is revealed ever. The mysterious put us in some kind of trance. They appear out of nowhere and disappear without anyone’s notice. The mysterious play the role of gods in a world that preaches reason and common sense. Through them we believe. We fantasize. We finally believe in the infinity of the universe.
Mystery involves unpredictability of course. But the difference is more spiritual. The mysterious seem to have solutions to everything. Under their care and tutelage, we feel safe and capable of achieving anything we set our eyes on.
Use mystery to keep your partner on tenterhooks. Use it to make her addicted to you. The key is in revealing less information than is necessary. Give her less information about your abilities, your wealth, your passions, etc. Such that every time she finds out by herself, she’s left baffled and impressed by your unending genius. She can’t help it really.
Being a good boyfriend is what most people aspire to be. I suggest you focus on being a great boyfriend. It’s highly achievable