If I could briefly summarize this post in a sentence, this is how it could go. You’re going to have mind blowing sex if you make love to a woman instead of just “having sex”. Making love is a process. Having sex is just an event. Probably the last event.
The mind of the woman craves process. The step by step flow of things. Things like anticipation, surprise and randomness will be your best friends. But they need time. They take time. That’s why the whole thing is a process.
The “having sex” attitude is mainly enforced by watching too much pornography. The problem with pornography is that its aim is getting you to jerk off. Not showing you how to satisfy a girl sexually.
By now I hope it’s clear you got to ditch your porn mentality. It’s the surest route to mediocre sex.
In my experience that’s not even the greatest barrier. That award goes to our own conventional wisdom. As usual, what is simplified is bound to be popular even though it rarely works. And what works is left out in the cold, very lonely.
Let’s show some love to the rarely told wisdom.
The rarely told facts you should know
The place matters. A lot.
As we shall see later, your girl needs to be comfortable in order for her body to fully be receptive and sensitive to your moves. But whether she knows it or not, this rarely happens in places she has never been before.
Her mind is still busy mapping the place. Getting to know the nuances involved in navigating the place. Because it’s a survival necessity. So it becomes so hard for her to be comfortable when her mind is onto something else.
Good luck satisfying a hooker.
Which means you either have to settle for mediocre sex or expose her to the place for some time. That’s why you should never expect a woman to orgasm for when it’s the first time she has come to your place. I’m not saying she can’t climax. I’m saying it’s an exception, not the norm.
Clearly you should just relax and do your level best as you wait for time to do some legwork for you. On the third time or fourth or fifth, magic will happen. If you follow everything written here.
The myth of skill.
Technical skill contributes only about 10-15% of mind-blowing sex. Trust. Comfort. Strong emotions. And taking your time. Those make up the remaining 90%. See, the size of your little man shouldn’t bother you much.
The reason technical skill has such a celebrity status is because naturally we crave what can easily be controlled. Let’s be honest, you rather learn to finger her and last in bed than learning about her emotional world which might differ so much from yours.
Skill is good. But it’s overrated. If you see to it that your woman trusts you. If she’s comfortable wherever the both of you are. If her mind isn’t lingering elsewhere and you take your time, you’ve just greatly improved your odds bro. By the way, after some time most of these things become second nature. You won’t plan so much. You won’t think about it much.
You will just do your thing. And she will thank you for it.
- It’s a process.
Process. Process. Process. Things just don’t happen.
If they did, we wouldn’t wait for 9 months after having sex to get a baby.
Things take time. But it’s always worth it. Sometimes the whole process should happen days before you two even meet in person. Surprise her with a morning message. Surprise her with lunch at her workplace. Try to mold her mindset hours or days before you two touch each other. The mind-blowing sex will be worth it.
Think like a woman
In simple terms, try to see the world from her point of view (It’s hard, I know). How does a woman experience sex? What turns her on?
Under what circumstances is she most likely to be receptive to your advances? (Tip: During ovulation)
Don’t think, because you’re “always set”, it’s the same thing for her. Just because she’s wet doesn’t mean she’s ready to have you insider of her.
Just because it’s only your penis that is most sensitive doesn’t mean the vagina does the same for her. It’s a lot more. And it differs from woman to woman. Try to think like a woman, and then act like a man.
Curiosity and lower expectations
It’s true that both of you are human beings but there is a reason you two attract each other in the first place. Her body and brain are wired in such a way that she does her feminine role in the world. The way yours is wired to its thing too. And most of these subtle details don’t come natural to us.
This calls for curiosity. Be adventurous. Take time to know how her body reacts to your moves. Heck take time to study each of her body parts. Become a doctor for a moment. And let her be your specimen. Good things will happen.
Ovulation – The unsung hero.
Ovulation is a period during a woman’s menstrual cycle (mostly between days 9-14 of a 28 day cycle) where an egg is being released to get ready for fertilization. During this time, the body does a lot of legwork to make sure this egg isn’t wasted. In other wards we want to build from her body’s momentum.
Normally the menstrual cycle of a woman lasts for 28 days. Of course it’s different for everyone. The cycles can go as low as 21 days and as high as 35 days.
Here we’re going to consider a 28 day cycle but you try to learn from your woman what her case is and adjust accordingly. A woman will menstruate on the first 4-7 days of the cycle (It also varies). Ovulation will begin at around day 9. And the egg getting released on day 14.
In between these days, she’ll be so ripe for sex. This is when (fortunately or unfortunately) her chances of becoming pregnant are so high.
This is the time you want to spend home most with her. It’s like giving food to someone who has starved for days. You don’t do much. She won’t need a lot of seducing. Less foreplay is required.
In other words she is craving for raw sex. Her clitoris is itching. Her vagina acting like a pressure cooker. You should be the guy relieving all that pressure.
Then how do I do that Nic?
How’s it’s done (Actual session time)
You asked her to come to your place. And she said yes. What next?
Connect. Bond. Naturally we’re allergic to strangers. And since great sex is mostly about two bodies connecting in a special way, you can’t stay strangers. Even if you’re not planning on seeing someone after sex, it’s a must to get to know her a little better. If you want incredible sex.
That’s how brains and bodies work. Except in a few scenarios. Like when she’s ovulating. Or she’s incredibly attracted to you. Take time to know how her day was. Ask her what she cares about, how she goes about her life. This stuff works. Try it.
Create space and time
Don’t expect her to pull out all tricks if she spent the day cleaning the home. Her body needs time to relax. Create such an environment. You can’t perform to expectations if you worked until 10 pm in the night.
Pull the plug on some of the things that normally need your time. Help her do the same. If you create time and space, the foundation is set.
This is not time for your mind to be wondering. It has to be fully engaged with whatever is going on. This helps you find subtle things you would have missed if your mind was elsewhere. If your girl is stressed and has hidden it all along, you might see it in time. Hence find a way to rectify that. Always be present. The benefits compound.
Put a note in her bag in the morning when she’s leaving for work. Flirt with her through the day with messages. By the time you two meet up later in the night, she will be emotionally closer to you.
And this will amplify the intensity of whatever you’re planning on doing to her. Foreplay doesn’t only have to be in the bedroom. It’s about working magic on her mind.
Alright, Game time.
Boy, she’s inside your house. This is what you need to focus on.
The most common cause of mediocre sex is lack of communication. Period.
Tell her what you want her to do to you. Ask her what she wants. When she wants it. And figure out how to give it to her. Communication is as necessary during problem solving as it is during intimacy sessions.
Our minds are universes on their own. Don’t expect someone to mind read what you want. And let her know that you can’t read her mind like a psychic.
Of course with time certain things become second nature but even then, still talk to each other. If you’re having a good time, let her know. If it’s otherwise, still let her know. And urge her to do the same.
This survey by lifestyle website Your Tango showed that 65% of divorces are caused by lack of proper communication. Obviously communication is important.
- Let your hands do what they do best – wonder.
Don’t aim for the usual suspects. It’s true you love the boobs and the booty but please inspect all of her body. I know of a girl whose pleasure zones are the wrists and the lower part of her back. How do you predict that for sure?
The only remedy is to wonder as much as you can. You can always come back to your favorite spots. But first, try figuring out her pleasure spots. She will thank you for it. And the hands are your best weapons here. Use them.
If you find that boring, this should give you solace. If used well, fingers can cause havoc to a girl’s clit. Most women don’t orgasm if their clits are not stimulated. So, your fingers should be used mostly for rubbing her clit as far as her vagina is concerned.
- The magic of oral
Some men have an allergy towards oral sex. But if your woman is clean and healthy. Dude, go for it. This separates men from boys. Going down on her stimulates her brain in weird ways. I think it signals that you’re guy who’s willing to go miles to give her pleasure. Maybe not. I don’t know. But they love it.
Here’s how to do it well.
First rule. If she’s not moaning, you’re doing it wrong. This can be the only rule. Second rule. Ask her for guidance during the process. With those two, you can’t go wrong. But let’s take it a notch.
Use your tongue to make circles around her clit. And once in a while apply pressure, still using the tongue. They also like it a lot if you use it like a mini penis. Tease her outside and then go in. You’ll thank me later. Then also, at times, when your tongue is safe guarding the clit, use one of your fingers to tickle the g-spot while another is doing circular motions deep inside her.
But make the whole experience as slow as possible. Slow. Is. Rare. But. Valuable.
The G-spot, in case you didn’t know, is the area on the “roof” of her “inside” that feels like a sponge.
Take your time man. You’re doing the most important activity from an evolutionary perspective. Remember, she knows what’s best for her. Look at her reactions to know or ask her.
- Why penetration is overrated.
Most women never orgasm from penetration alone. Actually those who do are the exception not the norm. But stimulating her clitoris always ensures she climaxes. Meaning you should focus on that little female penis a little more.
Most of the action for her should be on the surface of her vagina until she says otherwise. Trust me, you want her to be the one begging you to go inside of her. And when that happens, an orgasm for her is always a few seconds or minutes away.
Work on her body. Play around with all her body parts to see which one reacts and which doesn’t. Tease her and see her melt. Let her be your conductor, showing you all the corners and hidden roads in her complex world. And then enjoy when she’s commending you on the work well done.
As always, don’t expect to get things right the first time. But with time, you’ll be “the guy that gets it”. The one she’s always jazzing her best friends about. You’ll feel better about your life too. Needless to say, your sex life will be much better.
How do you go about having mind-blowing sex? Let me know of anything I’ve missed out that has worked for you in the past.