From people to countries to entire continents. From birds to lions. At some level, everyone is affected by inferiority complex. Mexico feels inferior to US but an American might feel inferior to a rich Mexican. This vice infects every one of us.
No matter how badass you are. There comes a time when you meet someone who makes you feel inferior. It might be a feeling of worthlessness or incomplete or poor. They come in different doses but the feeling is the same. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn’t met a good number of people. So, to fundamental universal level, feeling inferior is normal.
But what I want to discuss today is the other version of inferiority complex. The kind that paralyzes you like a disease. Turning and twisting your mind into submission.
If you’ve ever met a beautiful woman on a Sunday evening in the Mall and failed to meet her against your will. If the reason for not acting was because you said to yourself “She’s out of my league.” I’m sorry to break it to you but that’s inferiority complex. The kind I want to discuss. And you’ve come to the right place.
How to notice inferiority complex.
It normally has a front seat in your mind. Telling you who to talk freely with, and when to back off. Without giving you any specific details, inferiority complex stops you from doing something worthwhile. You refuse meeting some girl because of this and that and this again.
Not talking to a would-be amazing woman because “she’s older than me”. Failing to talk to that attractive girl at the bank because she seems “high class”. Or that sexy brunette at college just because “She wouldn’t be interested in guys like me.”
They not only stop you from talking to an amazing woman but also going to incredible places. Seminars, yoga classes, dance classes, etc. Places where you would meet beautiful women ready to entertain an incredible guy in their lives. You cut your chances short at the beginning. And then give yourself “genuine reasons” as to why you did what you did.
All those reasons are just sign posts of inferiority complex masquerading as genuine reasons. Reasons to stop you from going after what you truly want. Meeting a person who would make your life worthwhile. By the time you’re done reading this post, you’ll start developing a knack for spotting them in your mind. Before they do you more harm.
Major Causes of this burden.
Just look around your home town. Or your immediate environment. And you’ll see countless examples of men dating attractive women without being necessarily rich. It’s true that women are attracted to resourceful men. Men who can provide for them. But being rich is only one of the ways a man can be resourceful. Not the only way.
Btw if you think a woman is way too cool for a poor guy like you to have any shot at getting her. Then chances are high that she needs much more than money in her life now. Maybe she needs a man who knows a thing or two about loyalty. Otherwise if a woman looked poor or mediocre, money wouldn’t be a detriment then.
- Social hierarchies.
Until around 12,000 years ago, humans didn’t have social hierarchies. They lived their hunter gatherer lives without any problem. With no discrimination and classes. But that changed when agriculture was invented. Certainly someone with more fertile lands was superior to others.
Suddenly we started living in towns and then cities. This created political systems like kingdoms and empires. Since being high in command means improved chances of survival, these men and women at the helm became more worthy than others who were not. Because someone with a large farmland had “an assumed survival advantage”, he was more desired by women compared to other men. So social hierarchies were born. Give them thousands of years until today and it gets even worse.
But our ancestors before bonded, had sex and created families without them. This is obvious social hierarchies are by no means fundamental when it comes to your chances of dating an attractive women. They are just constructions of the modern world.
- Educational background.
Like the point above, these constraints have been created by the modern societies. Being well-educated meant improved chances of survival. Because you had more chances of getting a well-paying job and all the added advantages. That’s why people like doctors, engineers and scientists in general are more sought after than other professions. Their salary packages are on average bigger than other professions.
It’s true that being well-educated has its advantages but make no mistake. Just because someone’s resume is colorful doesn’t mean those who don’t are useless. And this is truer in the 21st century. We’re in the information age. This means you have the same chances of being knowledgeable about anything like anyone else. Even if you have no college degree to certify it.
So go ahead and collect knowledge. You won’t feel inferior anymore.
- Physical attraction.
I think this is mainly a mental bias. As a man you think women are as interested in your physical appearance as you are in theirs. But this is wrong.
Men are visual beings but not so much for women. They’re seduced by good narratives. She wants you to engage her mind and senses. She needs you to overwhelm her femininity. To sweep her off her feet. It doesn’t matter how handsome you’re, to do these things to her. Maybe a bit of proper grooming but not more than that.
Don’t get drowned into the society’s obsession with physical appearances. To a female brain, they don’t count much really.
The benefits of overcoming inferiority complex.
When you conquer this demon, the pros are endless. You will approach more women. Dates will come more often. Better and more sex with incredible women is inevitable.
Overcoming inferiority complex helps you with other areas of your life too. You become more daring in your studies. More ambitious in business dealings. Let’s just say your life improves beyond recognition.
Read on to see how you can free yourself from this silent vice.
Let’s eliminate its effects step by step.
Don’t expect to feel all confident and charismatic in a single day or week or month. It’s a process. Take it one day at a time. Improve bit by bit. And you’ll be incredible before you know it. (Don’t get mad though as I will update you if I get a shortcut. lol)
Naturally we’re all aiming to be better people. Happier people. We like believing we are the best versions of ourselves at any time. But is this far from true. You and I have weaknesses. We’re both susceptible to most vices that affect humanity. It’s not shameful to have anyone of them. Because trust me, someone out there is worse than you.
Accept that it’s normal to feel inferior to certain women. For whatever reason(s). It would do you good if you identified the reasons too. It helps knowing what you’re up against. Accept that you have a problem and you have overcome the first barrier. The rest will come easy.
- Recognizing the Mental Biases.
Mental biases are funny. All of us can observe them in other people but not in ourselves. We tend to think it’s “the other people” who are flawed but not us. We petty them at times. Sometimes we feel compassionate, imagining how hard they should be finding life because of them. But we’re so wrong.
Biases affect each and every one of us. Else why would a health guy who easily talks to college girls find it damn hard talking to older women? As if they are going to insult him. Why would a 40-year-old family man fear approaching a 21-year-old girl cruising in a Bentley?
Biases everywhere. It’s our minds playing Jedi tricks on us. The poor brain likes short circuiting everything. Even to our disadvantage.
Recognize them for what they are. Imperfections of the human brain in its effort to help us cop with life. And you will become more aware of them even when they are happening. At the foundation of every inferiority complex, there’s a mental bias lagging behind. Pull it out of the shadows and you’re on your way to feeling less inferior.
- Stop Overrating People.
Yeah. You heard me right. Stop overrating people. Do you really think it’s only you who puts on a poker face? Acting all confident when deep down you know you’re faking it? Have you ever been at a party and everyone is complimenting you on how smart you look? Yet you know the stockings in your shoes are in bad shape.
The frustrations you feel. The feeling that your life is lacking in improvement from two years before. The stress you get from your day job. The constant bickering with your elder brother. Simply say all the crap going on in your life. That’s the same issue with other people.
Very few people know it but our lives. All of us the 7.4bn people are not that different.
That beautiful girl at the counter isn’t sure where she will be staying tomorrow as she fell out with her roommate. The blonde at the basketball game isn’t tired of men hitting on her. On the contrary she’s wondering why all of them avoid her.
Actually, most of these top-level women are lonely. It’s hard to imagine but it’s true. The same way you think they are already taken, so does most other men. The women with bodies of Victoria Secrets models are not so scary when you talk to them. Life is as complicated for them as it is for you. Their yearning to meet a nice guy to lighten up their boring lives.
Behind the fancy cars, houses and clothes. You’ll find fellow human beings with fears and unmet desires. Stop overrating people.
- Start Slow and Easy.
Thanks Nic, Now I can go talk to that hot CEO I was telling you about? Not so fast rude boy. You have come a long way, I know. But you need to take it one step at a time.
The fact that you now know the problem doesn’t mean it will just disappear. It’ a process. Start with approaching the less scary ones. Remember the biases? Good. Now you can use them to your advantage. There women you won’t fear so much for the mere fact that they live in a crappy neighborhood. Of course now you know that her neighborhood has nothing to do with her personality. But your mind will still make that mistake. So take advantage of it.
Stay away from the scary ones as this is the phase for confidence building. You don’t want her to get under your skin. Hence ending up suspending dating for a month.
Talk to someone who seems approachable. With time you will begin noticing everything I have talked about. That ugly girl at the grocery store won’t appear ugly anymore after talking to her. The CEO you badly want to make out with won’t be as smart as you expected. And you will meet some who will tick all your expectation boxes.
But start small. With time you’ll be fine. Trust me.
- Fake it till you make it.
Remember the part where everyone is faking it? Good. You want to adopt this approach for the time being. Nothing worse will happen to you that hasn’t already happened. You have nothing to lose. Try dressing well. Groom yourself properly. You want to take advantage of other people’s biases too.
With enough practice. With some disappointments (they’re inevitable those ones) and lots of wins. You’ll eventually be fine.
Keep at it. Continue improving your mindset. And feeling inferior will be history. Equipped with the right mentality. Any girl is now approachable. Okay, maybe not any girl but most of them.
I hope now you’re convinced that money, social hierarchies, educational background and Physical attraction are just gatekeepers stopping you from enjoying the Universe’s greatest invention – women. Take it one step at a time and you’ll overcome inferiority complex.
What have you done in the past to help you cope with inferiority complex? Have i missed out anything you deem important?
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