What kind of interaction do you consider as flirting? Actually, what is flirting? Wait a minute. Let me look it up on google. Huh, here it is.
“Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.”
In life, there’s this strategy that works for many successful people even though the rest of us rarely use it. If you want to be happy, don’t look for ways to be happy. Instead, cut out the things that make you unhappy. If you want to be friendlier, reduce on the nagging behaviors that make you unfriendly. Want to be more knowledgeable? Good. Don’t look for more knowledge, just unlearn most of the crap you’ve learned throughout life.
And flirting isn’t any different. To get better at the flirting game, let’s reduce on the mistakes we make. And success is inevitable.
1. Drinking too much to the point that you become a mess.
Because a lot of approaching women happen in bars, you’ve got to stay sober to stay on top of your game. Alcohol might stimulate your mind a bit (which can be a good thing). But a lot of it will do more harm than good.
Instead of attracting a woman, you might instead send her away.
2. Seeming so interested in what she’s saying.
I get it. You’ve met this amazing creature. She’s so good that she almost ticks every box of what you want in a woman. She says all the right things. Using the right words. God, you want the conversation to go on forever. But is it really wise to seem so interested?
Are you considering her side of the story? Because if she’s the one doing all attractive stuff, then what about you? What’s in it for her? Do the math. If you don’t amuse her enough, then she won’t even remember she ever talked to you.
It gets worse if she’s not even that interesting. Dude, don’t seem so interested.
3. Overly being nice to her, hoping she’ll know that you’re into her.
Bullshit. Even if you’re really a nice person. This is not time for niceness. This is flirting time. When you tease her with what you’re capable of. If she ever gets the chance of being invited into your life. Instead of commending her on her incredible dance moves, wonder what else she would offer in case only one person watched.
Stimulate her imagination. Let her feel good when she amuses you but insinuate more better things to come (if she becomes part of your life)
4. Being overly mean in a way you mistakenly thought was flirty.
Telling her how much you wouldn’t mind her ass even if it’s small, isn’t a good idea. You might think you’re making her feel better about her ass in a cocky way but you’re actually belittling her. By the time you’ve noticed her small ass, it means many have noticed it before. And many have made fun of it before.
Naturally we’re so insecure about our physical appearances. And women are more so. I’m not saying you can’t make fun of her. But her body parts are a no go. And her behavioral weaknesses too.
Make fun of the things you’re pretty sure are her strong points. It’s okay to tell her she is “ugly compared to your ex” if it’s obvious she’s beautiful. Because if she’s beautiful, she already knows it by now. So many people have told her that.
5. Pretending that you like what she likes.
She knows it’s not true. As you too know, deep down it’s not true. It’s okay to hate what she likes and vice versa. It’s very possible that the two of you like the same things. But don’t pretend if it’s not the case. Actually not liking the same things will give you things to talk about.
You’ll have questions to ask her. And she will gladly defend her position. Argument is good. It gets the blood flowing. You want her blood flowing. Trust me.
Flirting is not meant to get you friends or lovers. At least not there and then. It’s meant to create friction. To lay the ground for something else to happen. So don’t take it so serious. Have fun. Contradict her. Oppose her. See what happens. You’ll be surprised by what you can achieve.
6. Side stepping all her questions because you want to seem mysterious.
Mystery is good. I know. If used well, it can get you close to any woman. The problem though, is taking it too far. Failing to answer a few of her questions intentionally is sexy, but not answering any single one of them is not.
She’s just getting to know you. Naturally she’ll want to figure out a few things about you. She doesn’t need all things but a few. Respond to her. Give her a sneak peek into your life. Something to keep her mind busy. If she badly wants to know information that is sensitive, then at least lie to her. But give her something to chew on.
You have the rest of your interactions to seem mysterious. Bit by bit not in a single go.
7. Lie to seem smarter/richer/cooler.
They all like it better if you’re smart, rich or cool. At least they wish you’re – as long as they like you. But do you really need to lie to become all those things? It takes a lot of mental effort to lie since you need to keep records of all your lies.
Except if this woman is so stupid but she eventually finds out about your lies. That Rolls Royce you said you had, she realizes you were lying. By lying about these incredible traits, not only are you setting unrealistic expectations for her but also disappointment when she finds out (and she will find out).
Don’t lie especially when talking to a woman worth pursuing in future. She will be disgusted by your childish behavior. Mature men don’t lie. She either deals with the truth or life goes on. Period.
8. Using only social media platforms to communicate your romantic interest.
Other guys are pursuing her on Facebook and twitter too. She deals with so much baggage on the internet. Don’t become one of those attention seekers. Social media should only be a way of extending the conversation which hopefully happened elsewhere.
Use her phone contacts. Video conferencing platforms. Heck, meet her in person. By using text, you’re not even fully engaging with all of her senses. You need to have access to all her senses. Your effect on her will be better that way.
Try to make the interaction as physical as possible. You’re only flirting with her. It’s not that she’s known you for years.
9. Unnecessary winking.
Winking can be helpful when used carefully. It’s made to initiate contact with a person over a distance long enough. By long enough, I mean when she can’t hear what you’re saying or you don’t want other people to hear what you’re saying. That’s when winking comes in handy.
But even then, you only wink at a woman who has shown some kind of interest in you. Is she smiling at you? Does her body language imply interest in you? Or was she the first to wink at you?
You get the picture. Unnecessary winking will be frustrating for you and disgusting for your target woman. Don’t waste an opportunity to talk to an incredible woman, please.
10. The “us against them” mentality.
By “us” I mean “men”. By “them” I mean “women”. It’s not true that women are from Mars and men are from Venus. Both are from Earth. She may try playing hard to get or seem disinterested. But her goal is the same as yours, to have a worthy person in her life.
So don’t take it personal when things don’t go your way. Because the truth is she also wants things to go her way, just like you. It’s just that in both circumstances, you’re both dealing with other human beings with their own agendas. Don’t become tribal.
Have fun. Respect her boundaries. When she caves, good for you. If she flakes, move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
11. Assuming all women are the same.
The only men who say women are the same are those who have seen less pussies in their lives. No they’re not the same. They have different hormonal levels that influence their sexual behavior. Their physiological features are different, eliciting varying responses from different men.
Because of educational, biological and cultural variations, it becomes insane to assume they will all behave the same. Or treat you the same. Or react to what you say the same way. Some will understand you to the dot. Others, well – not so much.
Our DNA is the same but we’re slightly different because we grow up in different environments under varying circumstances.
So, never assume that your favorite flirting line will work on everyone. Because it won’t. All women are different.
If you can avoid the above mistakes, then you’ve greatly improved your chances of success dear reader. Here is a good rule of thumb; when your flirting succeeds with every three women out of five, you’re onto something. If it doesn’t, maybe you need to improve.
What flirting mistakes do you avoid in your dating? Talk to me in the comments section.