Let me introduce you to Patricia. A woman I met in a taxi the last time I was coming from the village. She was chocolate skinned, medium height and incredibly beautiful. Oozing class and elegance, let’s just say she intimidated me a little. She seemed to be in her late 20s even though she looked more mature than that (Behavior-wise). My story with her made me realize how important first impressions can be.
First, the inferiority complex problem did strike but I found a way of talking myself out of it. “It’s just an experiment” is what I normally tell myself every time am overwhelmed.
After minutes of thinking about my opening line, I made a breakthrough. Though I had help from a friend who called me asking me if I was seeing the eclipse. Truth is the weather had seemed all awkward but it hadn’t crossed my mind that it might be the eclipse. So I asked her whether it was me missing out the obvious or it was the case for her too. That did the magic.
A couple of minutes later she was telling me about the science of the eclipse. And how she had traveled to the northern part of the country a couple of years back to watch it fully unravel. I did what I do best – getting her to talk about herself. And on and on it went.
Things went well. I realized she liked bragging a lot in addition to her big ego.
Here is where I messed up. Getting her to talk about herself was great. But I never challenged her in any way. In fact I acted like a pussy for most of the time. Just nodding and accepting whatever she said. I acted like a boy talking to his mummy.
I got her contacts but she was a hard nut to crack the days that followed. I wondered what was wrong until I realized the problem must have been with the first impression. By not challenging her enough, I didn’t really stimulate any feelings in her. So she agreed to talk to me again not because she was fascinated by me but because I was good at conversing.
As we shall later see, being a good conversationalist differs from conversing to achieve your goals. My goal was to see much more than what her fancy clothes showed. But I created a bad first impression, hence limiting my chances.
This is how you might make bad first impressions too (and how to get it right.)
- Terrible dressing.
Just do this for me. Recall a few encounters with people in your life. At a workplace, coffee shop, parties, etc. See if you can remember how these people were dressed. If you have a human’s DNA then chances are high that you valued highly the nicely dressed ones compared to the not so well dressed ones. It’s automatic.
It’s how our brains manage to create order out of a chaotic world. Its how it determines who we should associate with and who isn’t worth our time. Even though that model for seeing things is very flawed, it happens to be good enough to get most things done. Not perfect but good enough.
This goes without saying. If you want other people (women in this case) to value you much more than you truly deserve. Just kill it with how you dress. Pull out all your wardrobe tricks and you just greatly improved your chances of dating a woman “out of your league”
- Talking without listening.
Oh boy. Say whatever you want to say without the other person saying a word. Whenever they try putting across a point just stop them and continue with your story. Do this and you’re assured of bad first impressions.
Who wants hanging out with a talking Tom? No one does. And this is subconscious really. We only appreciate people who first listen to us before giving out their not so-needed opinions. That girl you’re talking to has so much to talk about. The moment you don’t listen to her, you’re going to frustrate her. Her brain will be itching, wanting her to say something. And here you’re making sure that doesn’t happen.
The same brain will instruct her to stay away from you. It will give her so many reasons why you’re not cool. Even though the only genuine reason is over talking on your side.
As a rule of thumb, talk for 30% of the time and listen for the remaining 70% of the time. This ratio is a perfect sweet spot. Try it today and see what happens.
- Being a yes guy (or not being challenging enough)
Yeah that’s me. It’s exactly what I did with Patricia. By only nodding to whatever this cute girl is saying, you’re telling her she’s the only one with a sound mind. You’re telling her that you know so little about life for your opinion to seriously matter.
Honestly put yourself in her shoes. Why would you choose someone who is dumb to begin with? What would interest you about someone you’re lecturing about anything worth knowing? And remember, this deduction is not true. It’s not true that you don’t have anything worthy saying. It’s just that you’re so overwhelmed by her that you don’t want to allegedly “piss her off”.
Damn it. Piss her off. Show her how flawed her information is. Even if you agree with all she’s saying, say you don’t for the sake of opposing her for once. Challenge her. Come up with any other angle of looking at things. In short, this is your time to impress her with your incredible mind. You will thank me later.
- Demeaning other people to show your superiority.
We’ve all had them in high school. The bullies. The jerks. Those ass **** who come to school just to make someone else’s life terrible. And they don’t stop at school because c’mon, they eventually grow up. They become political leaders, business men and employees.
Maybe you love being superior. And the easiest way to do that is make other people look lesser than you are. Make others look stupid such that you seem so smart. In order for you to appear rich, you compare yourself to the not so well off.
I hate bullies. You probably hate bullies. Trust me, any woman worth pursuing hates bullies too. Then why are you a bully? Why do you like demeaning other people just to appear better? Please don’t do it. If you do, she’ll will have an extremely bad first impression.
On the contrary treat other people well. Show her you are compassionate when it comes to other people. She really won’t have a choice besides taking you on.
- Giving out your whole history in one go.
You have just known her. She pulls off that magical smile and your heart melts. “This should be it. I have finally met my future wife.” You say to yourself.
Before she even asks, you tell her all about your home town. The number of siblings you have. The living relatives and the dead ones. By the time you hit the hour mark, she knows almost everything worth knowing about you.
Seriously dude, what the hell? You don’t know anything about this girl, and here you’re, disclosing your personal history.
If she knows everything immediately she meets you, what else will you two talk about the next time? And what makes you think she deserves all that trust. What if you’re talking to a hooker? Maybe she’s a seasoned robber who might break into your home now that she knows where you live.
Even if she’s not all those things, she will lose interest in you if you don’t give her any space to be curious.
There many days you two are going to spend together (if you nail her down), save some of the stories for those days.
- Talking about all your problems.
I know life is hard. You have frustrations. Problems are too many and way too consistent. To make matters worse, all your friends are selfish bastards who rarely spare time to listen to all this pain. So now that you’ve got the attention of this beautiful soul, you pour out all your baggage.
You realize it feels good. And more and more is poured out. Blood flows better now. “I should have met this one a long time ago.” You say. But is she thinking the same?
See, talking to someone about your problems if refreshing. Finally someone gets to see how hard the world can be from your perspective. They all act empathetic, making you feel even better about yourself.
Though this phase will be good in future as it will help you two bond, this not the time. Everyone has problems of equal size. Like you, they want someone to help them overcome all these problems. So, you telling them yours isn’t helping much.
Instead do for them what you want them to do for you. They will see you as an oasis in a desert. Their savior sent from heaven. Don’t worry in the long run, she’ll be in position to be the kind of person to genuinely listen to your problems. Because then she’ll hopefully care more about you than she does now. For now though, cut her some slack.
- Mediocre body language.
If you spend the whole time leaning towards her, her subconscious interprets it as if you’re head over heels for her. Smile once in a while to things she says and the subconscious thinks you’re a cool guy. Smile all the time and the same subconscious assumes you’re creepy.
The thing is our ancestors of 500,000 years ago communicated using only body language. At the time we didn’t have any languages. Meaning the subtle things you’re doing are being registered by her brain. Once you act needy, even if you don’t know it, you’re giving off a lot of information without your conscious awareness.
And the other person’s brain picks up on them. Because it’s wired to do just that.
Whenever your body is pointing towards the sides and not the girl you’re talking to, you appear disinterested in her. This might cause her to try harder impressing you (still without her conscious awareness). Let’s just say it’s the brains playing chess with the two of you acting as pawns.
Needless to say, knowing about the existence of this phenomena gives you an upper hand. The next time you’re talking to her, you’ll be more aware of what’s happening than she does. Hence giving you an added advantage.
Bonus. Over concealing your real intentions.
The poor girl assumes you’re just a stranger interested in what her boutique has to offer. Or she thinks you’re just talking to another human being without ulterior motives. Perhaps she thinks you’re only interested in being her friend.
All these assumptions are going to influence the way she interacts with you in future. And let’s be honest. If your main goal was to have her more than a friend, you’ll be in deep trouble. You don’t want her putting you into the friend zone.
Irrespective of what you do or say let her know that you’re interested in the intimate side of her. Don’t say this directly but imply it. Flirt with her. Create a sexual vibe. Let her guess what you want from her accurately. You’re laying a foundation remember. You don’t want it to be lackluster.
First impressions make or break would-be great relationships. Sometimes you miss out on people who would be genuinely interested in you for only one reason. Terrible first impressions. When you make sure the first impression given off is good, a lot of hard work is done there and then.
Dress well. Mind your body language. Don’t give off too much information. Make your true intentions are known. Don’t belittle other people (At least not with her around). Also remember, she wants a fun person not one with so much problems.
Good luck with your next conquest.
Is there anything I missed out? If there is, please say so in the comments section for other guys to learn from you.