female led relationship

Female led Relationship: Why You’re Better Off in One

Have you ever heard of a female led relationship before today? If not, I totally understand. To your surprise, female led relationships are more common and prevalent than you can imagine. They’re rarely defined as such in our definition-obsessed societies but when you look at the actual events taking place in most homes, many are female-led.

According to a survey done by Pew Research that included 1,700 homes to see how decision-making dynamics work; the poll found that in 43% of the homes, women exerted more decision-making power than men and that men didn’t seem to mind at all.

Of course the poll wasn’t perfect. For example the poll did not take into account most of the relationship dynamics such as sex, grooming and the laws of attraction. As it concentrated more on decisions the couples usually make on a daily basis. It also didn’t account for whether the decision-making process was planned prior by the couples or women just assumed authority. But the findings are clear, a good number of men are okay having their wives call shots in homes.

To know whether you’re a good fit for one, you’ll need to know what a female led relationship is, its benefits and the guidelines you’ll need in order to successfully be in one.

What is a female led relationship?

It’s a type of relationship were a woman takes the dominant role especially pertaining decision-making which is mostly done by men in the standard male led relationships we’re used to in our societies.

It can be either a girlfriend-led relationship or a wife-led one. But at the center of the relationship, it’s the woman calling most of the shots. The more civilized the world becomes, the more people seem to be interested in trying out female led relationships. The website aboutflr.com which mainly deals in female led relationships has around 10,000 members in its community of people who want to be in a female led relationship.

One thing I noticed about the people who sign up on the website is that they all register anonymously until they actually hook up with someone of the opposite sex who shares their view of relationships. This signifies the fear of consequences you encounter in our societies that are hell-bent on having people live life according to conventional wisdom.

This stigmatization seems to be the reason female led relationships are so rare and rarely heard of but they’re people out there who are silently enjoying them.

Do you qualify to be in one?

If you’re wondering if you need to be in one, let me simplify the situation for you. You should think of being in a female led relationship if the following are your cup of tea;

  • If you’re naturally a submissive guy. When we’re growing up, we’re told that a man should be anything but weak. The society hails men who are brave and heroic and shames men who show signs of weakness and who are less interested in being dominant. But as I noted before, to hell with conventional wisdom. Do as you please, it’s your own life you’re living not anyone else’s.
  • If you’re tired of the pressure that comes with responsibilities. Yeah I know. Sometimes life is hard because you’re bombarded with decision after decision left, right and center. It’s like you’re struggling to breath. Which makes a female led relationship a good deal since it’s your partner who handles a good deal of the stress.

female led relationship

  • If your partner has alpha characteristics. Some women are naturally suited for leadership roles. Even if that means bossing men in the process. The cause of this can range from biological reasons to social reasons. Your partner might be an amazing woman all round but with only one drawback (that’s if you see it as a problem), she doesn’t want to take orders from you. An arrangement like a female led relationship can prevent this tension as well as take advantage of your partner’s qualities.

Advantages of a female led relationship.

  • The innate female ability to multitask is fully utilized.

Whereas men are more productive if they focus on one task only, women are queens and princesses when it comes to doing multiple tasks at the same time without any decrease in productivity. She can prepare food, breastfeed her baby and wash utensils at the same time.

A female led relationship benefits from this quality. She won’t have problems running a business, taking care of kids while ensuring the family’s well-being. Especially if she enjoys doing it.

  • There’s order and predictability in the family.

That’s right. Look no further than our ape cousins the bonobos were females call the shots in social groups. The bonobos are so peaceful compared to all other apes closely related to humans. There few conflicts and fights registered in bonobo societies.

Women are suckers for order and predictability. And that trait is watered whenever they’re put in leadership positions. Less tension and chaos creates a stable relationship – and a family for that matter if you have one.

  • Overcoming society constraints is empowering in so many ways.

Let’s do a little recall here. In your life, remember how you felt when you overcame a significant hurdle back then. It felt great, right? That’s what am talking about. There’s something magnetic about overcoming humongous barriers in life. It creates ripple effects that reverberate to all other areas in your life.

This is exactly what starting a female led relationship does to your life. You start feeling like you can do anything. From business dealings, to dealing with crappy people, to traveling to places you were scared of before. You feel like you can handle it all.

  • You’re relieved of the burdens and responsibilities of running a relationship.

As I said, being the center of the relationship can have a tole on you. From the financial stress, to the security concerns, to the well-being of everyone. Relationships can be soul-sucking. If it happens that you have other areas where you’re the go-to person too, then hell can break loose.

But a female led relationship can save you from that. At least if you’re relieved of the stress of leading a relationship or family, you can easily focus on other areas of your life such as business.

  • There’s a feeling of equality between partners.

Unlike men, women don’t lead by dominating and requiring complete submission. On the contrary, they promote togetherness and a sense of equality. When in leadership roles, all they need is the freedom to make decisions. But not to dominate and treat people the way men do.

If God said that in his eyes, we’re truly equal. Then it’s women who should be given the lead role in implementing God’s vision. As I said, the bonobos are incredibly cooperative and tension-free. Because the women call the shots.

Btw, the bonobos tend to have a lot of sex too. Think about that for a moment.

  • There’s improved communication.

Women like talking about things. Do you know why we brand them gossip queens? Because they like talking – a lot. Do you know why they talk a lot? It’s their way of getting clarity when it comes to important issues in their lives.

This primal feminine quality can be used to the maximum in a relationship where the woman has the leadership role. You can be rest assured you’ll talk about anything important enough. As a result, there’s less arguments, tension and conflicts. Improved communication increases mutual trust, reduces tension and conflicts. Simply say, it creates the kind of environment you need for a healthy relationship.

  • Psychological stimulation to you both.

There’s freedom felt by the woman since she can make decisions that the society doesn’t consider to be hers. And you on the other hand, enjoy the feeling of giving off control to another human being. Your mental energies are amplified as a result.

Doing things considered out-of-bounds by your mind stimulates it. It becomes more creative, attentive and susceptible to adventure. Win-win for both of you.

Guidelines to help you set up a female led relationship.

Naturally we admire anything spontaneous. But you can’t let spontaneity dictate how you relate to your partner. Spontaneity is good when we’re talking about a single mind. But if more than one mind is involved, then it doesn’t work.

You need rules and regulations. There has to be guidelines for expected behavior and how to handle any misunderstandings in future (those are inevitable). You both need to have your expectations and fears reflected in the guidelines. This ensures you properly handle uncertainty in future.

So, what guidelines should you consider?

female led relationship

  • The type of female led relationship you want.

There’s a relationship were both of you are co-leaders. In other words, you make some of the important decisions as well as her. This kind of ensures that as a man, you’re not completely stripped off your powers as this might cause unintended consequences.

You also have the total female leader. Here, you’re completely submissive to your partner. She does what she thinks is the best for both of you and kids if you have some. In this type of relationship, you do as she says, no questions asked.

Choose which kind best suites the both of you. Actually you should leave room for future changes in the guidelines as things might not turn out the way you expected them to.

  • Which boundaries shouldn’t be broken?

Even though I talked about overcoming society constraints, sometimes you can’t overcome them all. For example you might be fine with your wife bossing you around at home but not when you’re in the presence of friends and family.

In the guidelines or in future changes, make sure such boundaries are properly elaborated. You don’t want to have unnecessary conflicts which would have been avoided to begin with.

  • A special arrangement with kids.

As I said, you can’t completely eliminate the social constraints. Even when you’re among the lucky few who do. Your kids might not be that lucky. If they see men leading other families (especially those of their friends), it will confuse them.

This inconsistency creates confusion in a child’s mind. You don’t want that. Come up with an arrangement that takes care of their perceptions. Decide whether to hide it from them or be free with them. But whatever you decide, always monitor their behaviors to ensure there’s no confusion going on.


A female led relationship can turn out to be a blessing you never knew existed. Evaluate whether it’s for you. Find a woman who has no problem with the arrangement – actually who devours it. And see where the adventure leads to. In case it doesn’t work out, you can go back to the standard way of doing things. You’re a free soul.

But make sure you have guidelines to help you have a successful relationship.

What do you think about a female led relationship? Are you in one now, or considering to be? Let’s talk in the comments section.

Related: The Last Guide to Dating Older Women You’ll Ever Need

  • What is the primary issue in every relationship that causes fights? Authority. Virtually every argument is an argument over authority. My situation was no different with my Wife. We were together for 10 years before we agreed a female led relationship was something we both wanted to try. Don’t get me wrong, things were not terrible for 10 years, they were just unnecessarily strained at times. Following a pretty serious semi-break up, I discovered FLR online and shared the information with my Wife. We spent the next couple months developing our FLR plans and agreements. Just the simple act of working on this together really helped us as a couple.

    Now, most people are imagining some BDSM scene where my Wife is in leather and I’m in chains. No, it’s not like that (unless that’s your thing then…go for it). The reality is having an FLR simply establishes a pecking order you BOTH agree to. It establishes rules of conduct, respect and yes, punishment. The ‘fetish’ component for me and my Wife is simple power exchange. I get off on seeing Her in control and She gets off on being in control. When She is empowered, it’s a rush for both of us.

    So the idea in an FLR is I want to make my Wife happy and my Wife wants to be happy. Simple. She lays out very clearly what makes Her happy. For my Wife, that is regular chores, romancing Her and above all, “listening to Her”. My Wife has very specific notions about how She wants things done and this is where FLR really comes into play (for clarity, my Wife does suffer from OCD a little bit). For instance, my wife still enjoys cooking but dishes are on me every time. My wife likes the dishes done in a very specific manner which is a bit confusing to follow. I mess this up often.

    When I am done dishes every night, I go to my Wife and announce I have completed my chore. She gets up and inspects my work. Yes, I realize that sounds childish but our agreement is clear: I do things how she wants them. Why? Because this makes her happy. When she is happy, she is wonderful to me. However, in this case, I once again messed up the dishes. This is where discipline and punishment come into play. The idea is to correct my behavior so I don’t make the same mistake again.

    In general, my wife’s favorite form of discipline is the lecture. Because of our agreement, I am not allowed to argue with my Wife when it is lecture time. I have a chair in the home that is dedicated to this and when I am told to ‘go to your chair’, I know what’s coming. In this case, it was the dishes. My wife has me sit and she stands over me. This is important because she is establishing our roles and putting me in my place before a word even leaves her mouth. But trust me, many words leave her mouth.

    My wife genuinely enjoys giving me a good talking to. She points her finger at me, makes me repeat after her and forces me to face my infraction by verbalizing what I did wrong and how I intend on fixing it. Again, I know this might sound childish but this works. When she is done, there is a firm embrace, a sincere apology from me and then a lot of cuddling. She only wants to know that I listened to Her.

    We do have paddles and straps and now and then, they are used on me. But these are for major infractions. Spanking is not a big part of our FLR, but it is used from time to time to make sure the point is driven home. And for the most part, we do this in private.

    I have been lectured in front of others by Her. She does this to humiliate me and ensure I don’t make the same mistake again. That, and she feels discipline needs to be immediate, not later that day or next week. So, when I mess up and we are in public, I still get a ‘mini’ lecture and yes, she speaks loud enough so others know what is happening. This is pretty effective. It is very embarrassing to be lectured publicly so it definitely keeps me from doing it again.

    So, what is loving about all of this? All of it. Sexually, the power exchange is a huge turn on for both of us and our sex life has never been better or more frequent. From a relationship standpoint, we get along better than ever. She didn’t ‘change’ because we agreed to a female led relationship, she just blossomed into who she always was, the leader.

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