The death of deep penetration is happening – right now.
“Every time he’s on top of me, am counting the minutes until he cums, such that he gets off me,” said Becky – a friend of mine. Her boyfriend wasn’t meeting her expectations. She needed my help. “Maybe talk to him sometime, I believe you can help him figure a few things out.”
She didn’t enjoy the sex – that, she knew. But she didn’t know exactly what wasn’t working. “He does all he can in my opinion but things don’t work out I guess.” I wanted to help her but how could I talk to his boyfriend about their sex life? Very few men entertain that kind of advice.
Most men think they know what it takes to rock a woman’s world. When things don’t go well, they put the blame on her. I’ve seen very few men who think less of themselves in bed. Most think they rank among the best, if not the best, in their social circles.
Most people think of themselves as above average. But if all of them are above average then who is below average?
When I asked Becky more questions about what happened during sex, I observed a pattern. Her boyfriend focused so much on deep penetration. That’s what he considered as having good sex.
Why you don’t need it – for the most part.
- Few women orgasm through deep penetration.
According to most studies – only 25% of women orgasm through vaginal intercourse. That says a lot. I know you love going deep inside her but does she feel the same way? Are you really rocking her world?
To a limited few – definitely, but you’re excluding the bigger group. Deep penetration feels good – to you but not to her. That’s why many women fake orgasms. She wants you to feel good about yourself even if she doesn’t feel good herself.
If giving your partner a good time is what you want, deep penetration should be your last resort. It has been confirmed over and over again that it is not as important as we men want it to be.
- With good foreplay, you need less deep penetration.
If you take your time to focus on your partner, good things can happen. Prepare her for the sex you want so bad. Don’t wait for the last hour to mess her mind. Don’t tell her what you want to do to her at game time. By doing that you’re not maximizing the power of foreplay.
You want to start the day before or at least in the morning if you plan on a night out. Foreplay should be your best friend. It helps you prepare her mind and body for an ecstatic time together. With your own mind and body included.
- You don’t need deep penetration to orgasm.
You’re talking about only women Nic, what about me? Isn’t my pleasure worth something? Of course it is. Besides the fact that a good part of your pleasure comes from pleasuring a woman, your own pleasure is taken into consideration too.
There’s a reason blow jobs were invented. Take advantage of them. A good blow job from a skilled partner can be incredibly rewarding. And that’s not the best part. When you delay penetration for as long as you can, it feels better when you finally go there.
It’s a win-win for you two. I know it can be hard. There is a magical pull when it comes to pussy. But hold on for as long as you can and you’ll come and thank me later.
What you should focus on instead.
- Focus on more foreplay.
As I said, foreplay amplifies everything 10 fold. Anticipation is good, but foreplay makes it great. Surprise is nice but foreplay makes it memorable. Sex is good but foreplay makes it the greatest.
Becky’s boyfriend had no idea that foreplay was all he needed. He needed to start having sex way before they went to bed. He needed to start messing with her pussy way before it was night-time. If he sent her dirty messages while she was at work, she would be more mentally prepared for him. The more mentally prepared she is, the earlier she will want you to go inside of her.
If you begin teasing her about how much her ass is messing your mind, she will wonder what else you’re willing to do to her if she lets you – even for a minute. Foreplay lets her imagination go wild. Let her imagination work for you. And your not so-little man will sing hallelujah when the time comes.
- Clitoral stimulation is what she needs.
The clitoris is the magnum opus of female sexual pleasure. It is at the center of anything pleasure that happens down there. And don’t think for a second that you can ignore it and go away with it – because you won’t.
And don’t mistake it to only be that little penis at the top of her vulva. No sir. It goes beyond what your eyes can see. It spreads across her vagina. It has nerve endings across – nerves that when properly stimulated, can get her to shake like a patient of epilepsy.
Pro tip: The women with bigger clits reach climax with more ease – compared to those with small ones. Because of the nerves I’ve talked about. The bigger the clit, the more numerous and thick its nerve endings compared to the small clits. Now you know the difficulty of the job depending on what clit she has. I’m not saying it’s a universal rule. But on average, that’s the case.
- And oral sex too.
You can’t talk about clitoral stimulation without talking about oral sex as they both go hand in hand.
For some reason, some men have this disgust for eating pussy. I hope you’re not one of them – especially if you trust the health of your partner. There’s nothing wrong with going down low. If giving pleasure to your girl is your thing, then oral is one of the best ways to do it.
With oral alone you might not need deep penetration after all. When done right, oral sex might be the only avenue your woman will ever need to orgasm. Take your time, respond to her body movements, let her moaning be your guide – and you have just cracked oral sex.
- Use deep penetration only when she begs for it.
The best guide to knowing when to have vaginal intercourse is this; Wait for your partner to ask you for it. Not only do you need to wait for her to ask for it, she needs to beg you for it. She needs to crave for it until she can’t take it anymore.
That’s when you penetrate her. You’ll be the water in the desert. And it would be an understatement if I said she’ll think about that experience for quite some time because it will be more than that.
Deep penetration is at the heart of being a man – in bed. You want her to feel how incredibly gifted your little man is. You want her to feel firsthand, the wrath of your manhood. Hence you try to go as deep as possible. But is it wise? Are you achieving the kind of goals you’d like to achieve? I don’t think so. Dial down on deep penetration a little bit and the world will become your oyster.
What are your views on deep penetration? How effective do you find it? Let’s continue the conversation on Twitter.