Your partner will be so mad at you.
But fuck madness, let’s do this.
To hell with morality and what’s right. In my life, sometimes I want people to cut me some slack. I want my friends and family to let me be. To roam around as much as I want. I want to be able to do what I want without anyone’s nose popping into my business.
And I imagine you feel the same way.
The fact that we’re human beings means we’re going to have a lot of drama in our lives. And that’s okay. We’re going to have unfulfilled fantasies we want to play out. And that doesn’t make us evil. It makes us normal. Maybe you love your girlfriend. But boy, you’d love to have a piece of that bartender down the street. And believe me when I say it’s okay. The idea alone is okay. And fulfilling that idea is more than fine too.
Before you send me to Satan’s shit hole, let me explain.
In defense of cheating.
We need to first get one thing out-of-the-way. I’m not saying its okay to hurt someone knowingly. It’s so bad. But usually, to stay sane in an insane world, we really need the therapeutic effect of cheating.
When you’ve lived with one person for a very long time, you get bored. The routines begin weighing you down. Sleeping with the same person year in year out can be soul-sucking sometimes (no pun intended for the other person btw). And at such times, we feel like a change of things could do us well. For the young, that can be sleeping with someone older. For the older, getting cozy with a young beauty might do the trick.
And this has nothing to do with our partners. It has everything to do with our insatiable bodies and minds. And because all we want is to just sleep around and then come back to our sweethearts. Cheating turns out to be a very feasible option.
After we’re done – at least for a moment – we tend to feel alive again. We look up on life with more vigor and strength. “It’s good to be alive” we say.
Honestly, wouldn’t you want someone you care about to feel more alive?
How to cheat the right way
A) First and foremost, have a plan detailing what to do in case you’re caught cheating.
This is not wishing yourself bad luck. This is being realistic. Things go awry all the time. Your best laid-out plans can fail. Factors you didn’t consider like your lover attacking your partner out of jealousy. Shit just happens and when it does you should be well-prepared.
So, let’s assume your partner has discovered your secret hangout place. Imagine you’re having a bliss in the middle of an evening – and then she shows up. Like a disappointed but calm woman, she observes everything and then leaves – without saying a word. You panic. You wonder what you did wrong. “Did I get lousy or complacent?” You ask yourself.
“I’m sorry I have to go.” You tell your lover and off you leave. Now you have a relationship to save. What exactly are you going to do?
In situations like these, panic attacks are common. Your mind shuts off while searching a reliable solution. But what if you had expected this to happen all along. What if you laid out steps to take way before this incident happened? You wouldn’t panic much, right? Exactly.
Beforehand, with the information you have about your partner, you should think along these lines;
- When angry or frustrated, what does she do? And based on that, do you need to perhaps tell a friend of hers to watch on her? What tried and tested ways have you used in the past to calm her down when she was so mad? When these angles are covered, you’re less likely to cause more havoc in the event of being caught.
- Depending on the evidence she has, is it okay to accept your fault or deny? Trust me, when she doesn’t have all the information you’re better off denying. For example in situations when she has been told by someone else. But when she catches you red-handed, don’t even try it. The last thing she wants to feel is stupid.
- You should make it obvious to her that it was just sex with the other woman. This calms women down. Knowing that you don’t have emotions vested in the other person is necessary for her own emotions. That way, the road to forgiveness is easier.
- And depending on your partner (c’mon you know her better than I do), come up with ways to calm the situation down. And btw, maybe you should even talk to her about an open relationship before this whole drama comes up.
B) How to communicate with your lover the right way.
If you’re sloppy here, you’re bound to be found out. Communication leaves trails that can be followed. Even months after the actual communication has ended. So, trade these waters carefully. Here’s how;
- The “during day only” rule.
In most cases you’re going to be at work during day. And this time of the day is perfect since you don’t have to go to the bathroom to talk – away from your partner. You can talk as much as you want. And you’re not going to give your partner reasons to be suspicious either.
Make sure you lover is well aware of this rule to prevent problems
- The “no-messaging” rule.
Oh messages. They’re normally convenient, short and offer flexibility. But man, they offer concrete evidence. How in the world do you convince your girlfriend you didn’t sleep with “Sexy Neighbor” if it’s all written in your messages? You can’t. Just stay away from messages.
- The “no social-media friends” rule.
Like your woman, some women are smart. When they suspect something, they’ll turn everything upside down to prove their theories. It’s that stiff motivation that makes social media a source of problems. I know you really want to keep on seeing your lover’s sexy pics on Facebook. But it’s probably a wrong idea to keep her as one of your friends.
There will be a time when you’ll be seduced to comment on her sexy photo. Or will be forced to chip in on her profile status when other lusty dudes are praising her nonstop. And if your partner comes looking, all these signals will solidify her case.
C) Why you should avoid taking photos and videos with your lover.
Like messages, photos and videos offer bullet proof evidence. Seriously if you’re seen kissing some hot blonde in a video, what possible explanation can you offer? That she needed resuscitation from you?
And that’s not the major problem with photos and videos. They normally end up in places you least expect. You take a photo today in your secret hotel room. It ends up in some guy’s photo album on Facebook. How does it end up there? No one knows. The digital world is really complex.
Just don’t take chances.
D) Don’t introduce her to your inner circles – at least not officially.
Who do you think your friends are going to side with? A sweet woman they’ve known for a long time or some sexy stranger? Don’t let them choose. Because when they do, your partner might get to know about it.
And sometimes it’s not that they’ll tell her outright, no. Instead she’ll read in between the lines whenever she’s having conversations with them. You don’t want that.
I know some new conquests are so cute and sexy that you want to let some of your close pals get to know about them. But trust me it’s not a good idea if you still love and care about your partner. Keeping secrets is incredibly hard. Don’t put all that pressure on a fellow mortal human being – please.
E) There should be little to no outings – except maybe, in very distant places.
In life, you can never predict the future. You can plan all you want but predicting exactly what is going to happen is a fool’s errand.
That’s why you really can’t know all the places in town that your partner knows. Or where she might end up going. Maybe it’s not her who finds you, but her friends or relatives that know of you two. If you insist that you’ve got everything covered, you’ll be in for a surprise when you’re found out cheating in your secret location.
The best option is to limit outings with your lover(s) as much as you can. If you can’t help it. Then go to really distant places were the chances of being found out by the wrong people is really low.
F) Understanding your partner’s “horniness timetable”
When your partner is horny. Especially during ovulation. It would be a very big mistake if you didn’t sleep with her just because “you’re tired.” When her urges are unmet, she’ll become so alert to the possible reasons of your “tiredness.” You don’t want to motivate your partner in ways like this.
A motivated and disgruntled woman is one who can find anything. She’ll begin looking in places you don’t want her to look into. She won’t leave anything unturned.
You should especially know her ovulation days. And make sure you preserve yourself for her any way you can. You won’t have to worry about the other days that much. The motivation is usually low. Except if your woman is highly sexual. And if that’s the case;…
G) You can’t let her suspect any abnormal “desire patterns” on your part.
Like you, other people are incredible at pattern recognition. It doesn’t take a lot of hard work really. Your partner, if motivated enough, will sniff out all the inconsistencies in your behavior that you’ll be amazed.
Which makes it a no-brainer that you don’t have to give her any reasons to do that. I should also point out that we’re naturally poor at recognizing inconsistencies in our own behaviors. In your view, things might look okay when they’re actually not. So to be on a safe side, you should always assume the inconsistencies are there (whether it’s obvious or not), and act accordingly to weed them out.
Not missing important appointments, anniversaries and family stuff will ensure that you don’t switch on the wrong buttons.
Cheating is only bad if you’re caught. Or if you end up infecting your partner with weird diseases. But if you can stay clear of all that, there’s no reason you can’t do it successfully. After all, most smart women are fine with men cheating. As long as she doesn’t get to know about it. Go get ‘em.