A few years ago a friend of mine asked me for the ultimate advice to breaking up with any woman. In his view, the internet was filled with “somewhat good information” to dating women. But he was disappointed with every piece he ever found on breaking up with women.
And so he wanted my take on the matter. I asked him why he needed the information to begin with. And how he was doing it to begin with.
He said he didn’t have problems approaching and getting girls but he struggled so much when it came time to part ways with any of these girls. Because of attachment and some affection for these girls, he found it extremely hard to let them go. And even when he did, whatever method he used didn’t work as he later got back to them in future.
“It seems I can never break up with a woman” he once said, “I need a way of doing it effectively. I’m tired of these girls resurfacing in my life over and over.”
Unfortunately I didn’t have an answer at the time. But I promised him I would take time to really think about it. As I hadn’t really given it enough thought before. This task became a self-assigned homework. It took sometime but eventually I cracked it. And in this post, am going to lay out what I reported back to this friend.
The wrong ways to breaking up.
Because breaking up isn’t pretty, naturally there is a lack of effort from the society generally on the right way to do it. And the following are the ways it’s mostly done.
Here you more or less behave like a ghost. Suddenly your girl doesn’t hear from you anymore. You stop taking her calls. No more messages. Heck you might even block her on all the social media platforms. Simply say, you break up with her without telling her so. Without telling her why. In most cases, this is because you’re so mad at her that you don’t think she even deserves an explanation. Or you feel shy about facing her physically.
Sometimes ghosting works but again, this person might think you still love her and you two will probably get back together in future. She doesn’t know for sure where the two of you stand because you never told her anything.
- Dating someone else hoping your soon to-be ex-girlfriend will find out and quit.
At first glance it makes sense. You date someone else and boom, your girl finds out, gets so mad and leaves you. Easy right? Not so fast. Actually this might do the opposite of your intended effect. When you date someone else, the brain of your girl won’t tell her to leave. It might but first she has to fight for you. Her survival instincts are switched on and she will do everything possible to get you away from this new “whore”. So this too rarely works. Instead you might as well use it in cases where you want to amplify her love for you.
- Let’s be friends.
This is common. In your mind you rationalize that by telling her to become your friend, you’re easing the pain for her. But you’re not. “You’re an amazing woman.” You say, “To any other man, you’re as perfect as they come. But it’s just not working for me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” And so, in your feeble mind friendship becomes the most obvious solution.
Over and over and over again this method rarely works. Once you two “stay friends”, you’re confusing your brains. Both of your brains can’t go from; I’ve been sleeping with so and so to – now we’re only going to be friends. At some point your bodies will have to resort to the old habits. And it can be a huge problem especially if it’s only one of you trying to replay the past. If it’s you, you’ll be confusing her even more. And if it’s her, she will feel more terrible if you reject her.
Why you need to do it the right way.
- Breaking up the right way means both of you can move on with your lives. It means she can go get someone who will give her what you couldn’t. You too can live your life happily knowing she is living hers. Especially if you really cared about her.
- Unlike my friend, you won’t have to go through the circles of always breaking up with someone and then getting back together. Without any objective to begin with. So this means once someone is toxic to your life, you get her out once and for all.
- Attracting the kind of woman you need in your life. You can’t have the right woman if you’re busy hanging out with the wrong one. Every time you notice things are not going according to plan or your desires, call it quits and move on.
- The benefits of breaking up right creates some kind of ripple effect to other parts of your life. Before you know it, it gets easier getting away from people who drag you down.
The right way of doing it.
Like most endeavors in life, the right way to do things is always complex not straight forward. You might even say it’s hard. Most of the right ways to do things seem wrong to a person who is seduced by simple things.
Right ways are always indirect. And they always entail a combination of different aspects. But they work. Let’s just say the world needs more of the right ways.
Breaking up Is Brutal, You can’t expect to go soft
You can’t stay friends, you can’t do ghosting. And just dating someone else and thinking all will be well won’t cut it.
Insult her. Tell her she was never good for you. Tell her she wasted your life. Squash any thought in her mind of ever getting back to you. You don’t want to just make her mad. You want her to feel like shit. You want her ego to go in over reaction mode.
Make her feel like she’s the worst human being alive. The kind that sucks all the oxygen from the environment and leaves others to die. You want to attack not just her femininity but her humanity as well. It doesn’t mean she’s all these things you’re talking about. You’re doing what’s necessary to help the both of you move on. Even though anybody would have a hard time convincing her of that.
Do this like you mean it and she will hate you with every bone and nerve in her body. And this is good. The love she once had for you will be transformed into hate. However absurd this formula seems, it works. Period.
This is why it works.
- By doing all the above, you’re helping her brain to never give her any idea of you two ever getting back together. She will move on with her life. Her brain will trigger what is called the Psychological Immune System to help her cope with this “betrayal”.
- Nic, why not just give her the reasons why me and her are better off together? Trust me, if she loves you, her brain will perceive most of what you’ll tell her into obstacles that can be overcome. Meaning she will attempt to change your mind. The hard way is the only way to go.
- People have a psychological line on any relationship with anyone. You can’t cross this line. The parent of your friend might slap him and get away with it. But you my friend might not. You might go away with a few hateful things to your girlfriend, but if you brutally attacked everything she cares about. Family, background, ethics, womanhood, body and humanity. Making her doubt whether she deserves anything good in life. Then you have crossed the line. She will ditch you. And date other men. She will do all she can just to prove to herself that she’s not all the things you said to her. She will eventually move on even if she won’t know it in the beginning.
Some information makes you feel uncomfortable. I know. But to get exactly what you want in life, at some point, you need to take hard measures. If things didn’t go as planned initially means something has to change. Try breaking up with a woman this way and see what happens.
What’s your take on this? Would you prefer doing it any other way?
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